did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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