she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
