the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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