Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
