You smell like a Billy Joel song
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I need a beard to bite.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
