I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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