Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I need water and some morals
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
