so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dick very happy bro
He shit in the fireplace
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
