What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
