dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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