you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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