i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My vagina is officially offended.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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