He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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