i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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