when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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