I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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