I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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