fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Too much gin, very little bucket
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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