U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
