I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
