I accidentally burped into my bong.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
