Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
