Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
