I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
