I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
