So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
