i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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