is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
