I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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