Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
