yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
