Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
