i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
vagina is talking i cant
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
