I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
