Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
