she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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