oh god the rape fog is back!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
