i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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