Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Drunk is not a location!
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