i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
