i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
