I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
