Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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