This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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