physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
