Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
