we'll go far in life on tits alone.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
