who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
