That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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