Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
