Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
