You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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