I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
