Swine flu. Run for my life!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
