I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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