Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
